Culinary Disasters

Olives are in the top 5 for my favorite snacks of all times.  Normally in the fridge are plastic containers of blue cheese stuffed, jalapeno stuffed, kalamata, nicoise, manzanilla, and a bunch more ready for snacking. 

I feel like a bad used car commercial when I say I was overstocked and needed to get rid of some.  However, let me find my Crazy Jeff Hat and get on to the sale’s pitch.  Shit I must have lost my Crazy Jeff Hat oh well screw it if you like olives than well then do I have a dish for you. 

The key to this dish is to use a couple different varieties of olives so that there are layers of complexity.  Anymore this can be done relatively easily by heading to your local megamart and ponying up to the olive bar (p.s. if you are quick you can usually grab a couple for a snack while deciding on which varieties you like the best).

For this recipe you will need:

• Chicken thighs (you could use breasts but I have a deep love of thighs).
• 1 onion finely diced
• 1 stalk of celery finally diced
• 1 carrot diced finely
• 3 cloves of garlic
• 1 TB of tomato paste
• 1 cup of assorted olives cut medium dice
• 1/2 cup of white wine
• 1 cup of chicken stock
• 2 bay leaves
• Pinch of crushed red pepper
• All-purpose flour
• Kosher salt and black pepper
• 2 TB of high temperature cooking oil (I used extra light olive oil)
• TB of unsalted butter (Click here to read the rest…)

  Tags: chicken, All // 5 Comments »

Years ago my old boss walked into my office and threw a bottle of ground wasabi at me with a recipe.  She then explained that she got this recipe and went out and bought ground wasabi for it.  Proceeded to make the dish, tried it, and could not breathe.  Apparently she underestimated the strength of wasabi and knowing I have an addiction to spicy food figured it was right up my alley.  I asked nicely if I could have the rest of the day off to go home and make it but was promptly rejected and ordered back to work.  *sigh* 

Ever since then I have been hooked on ground wasabi.  I still keep the tube wasabi on stock also but the ground manages to make it into its fair share of rubs or sprinkled over top of something.  Plus it is a nifty party trick to sprinkle in someone’s drink and watch their expression.

This coleslaw is a great accompaniment for fish or a lighter protein (plus *gasp* it lets me select the healthy category which never gets used on this site). 

For this recipe you will need:

• 1/4 head of red cabbage
• 1/2 head of green cabbage
• 1 carrot grated
• Couple green onions thinly sliced
• 3 TB of rice wine vinegar
• 1 teaspoon soy sauce
• 1.5 TB of ground wasabi (if you use the tube I would probably say a couple teaspoons since it is more potent)
• 1 TB sugar
• Kosher salt and black pepper
• Small glug of seasame oil (Click here to read the rest…)

  Tags: fish, Side dish, Salad, All // 3 Comments »

Ok the title of this is misleading.  It really should be called huge fing lamb meatballs fit for the Jolly Green Giant.  I eyeballed the burgers when I was making them without actually looking at the bun to see if they would fit taking into consideration shrinkage.  Huh I was kind of off.  They still tasted awesome and next time I make lamb burgers this post will disappear to be replaced by the correct one. 

I like lamb but I rarely use it.  I have no clue why maybe it is because it is hard and expensive to come by around here.  However, that can’t be a good reason since I have actually driven a couple hours to buy rabbits.  Hmmmm….yeah maybe I do not have a good excuse and instead should just do more of it.

The inspiration for these burgers came from my buddy Mike over at Mike’s Table (click here to see his lamb burgers).  I had to change a couple things around of course such as adding in some crushed red pepper and removed a couple of things such as the fennel (not that I have any hatred of fennel just was not in a fennely mood).

I wanted to kind of keep a traditional theme with burger and deciding that mayo would just be nasty I decided to make a simple tzatziki sauce. 

For the sauce I just used:

• 16 ounces of plain yogurt drained (wrap the yogurt in cheesecloth and suspend it over a cup for a couple of hours).
• 1 medium cucumber peeled, deseeded, and grated
• 2 cloves of garlic finely diced
• TB of lemon juice
• 1 teaspoon of lemon zest
• TB of mint diced mint leaves
• Pinch of kosher salt and pepper
• Glug of extra virgin olive oil (Click here to read the rest…)

  Tags: lamb, All // 4 Comments »

First off thank you Chicago for lifting the foie gras ban (click here to read the article). 

Dry rubs are one of my favorite summer ways to do meat and vegetables.  It is amazing the flavor you can get from the rub and still manage to be lazy. 

This rub works awesome with pork or chicken.  I also will mix a little bit with some butter and grilling some corn with the rub butter combo.

For the dry rub you will need:

• 2 tb coriander
• 2 tb ground ginger
• 2 tb brown sugar
• 1 tb onion powder
• 1 tb garlic powder
• 1 tb kosher salt
• 1 tb cayenne pepper
• 2 teaspoon black pepper
• 2 teaspoon ground thyme
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon allspice
• 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg (Click here to read the rest…)

  Tags: Dry Rub, chicken, pork, All // 6 Comments »

I really wanted to call this dish: Jeff decided to clean out his refrigerator and luckily just happened to have a defrosted pork loin.  Although some of my best and worst meals have been results of a fridge cleaning.

For this recipe you will need:

• 1 pork loin
• 1 bunch of spinach blanched (place the spinach in boiling water for a minute, drain, and then quickly cool the spinach down in a pan full of ice and water) or 1 package of frozen spinach thawed.
• 1 onion large dice
• 8 ounces of mushrooms large dice
• 3 cloves of garlic sliced thinly
• 1/4 cup of parsley
• 2 TB of bread crumbs
• 1/4 cup of parmigiano-reggiano cheese
• 1/4 cup of roasted pine nuts (place the pine nuts in a small skillet over medium for a couple of minutes or place them in a 350 degree oven for 15 minutes)
• Pinch of crushed red pepper
• Kosher salt and black pepper
• 1 TB of unsalted butter
• High temperature oil (I used an extra light olive oil) (Click here to read the rest…)

  Tags: Quick, All // 2 Comments »

Last Saturday my dad and I made a trip up to one of my favorite meat markets.  It is a little Amish shop called Yoder’s Meat Market in Shipshewana, Indiana.  It is one of those types of places that will bring a good tear to your eye when you walk in well heck even on the drive up there.  All around the town are cattle, pigs, and chickens happily eating away running free in farms and then proudly sold in the meat market. 

Also in Shipshewana is a restaurant that has the best beef and noodles but unfortunately we were unable to make it to the restaurant to eat so instead I figured I would just make it. 

I wanted to add a couple twists to it because a majority of the recipes I saw called for a good steak cut and I figured this could be doable with some nasty sinewy cut like chuck roast and more flavorful from all the fat and connective tissue breaking down and flavoring the sauce.  I also wanted to add mushrooms and unfortunately Grace our Krogers have gone to a really hot place with a mean guy with a pitchfork.  I opened up a package I got from the Kroger and took a bite and instantly spit it right out.  They were horrendous and no way was I going to add them to a dish.  I should have known better because not one person I have talked to has had any luck with produce from Kroger lately.  However, I was being lazy and Kroger is 5 minutes away versus the 30 minute drive for Fresh Market. 

For this recipe you will need:

• 2 lb of chuck roast cut into 1 inch cubes
• 1/4 lb of bacon cut into 1 inch sections
• 1 onion finely diced
• 3 cloves of garlic finely diced
• 2 bay leaves
• 3 stalks of thyme
• 1 cup of red wine
• 3 cups of beef stock
• 1/2 lb Egg noodles cooked and drained with 1 cup of the cooking liquid reserved
• All-purpose flour
• Kosher salt and black pepper
• Pinch of crushed red pepper
• High temperature cooking oil (I used canola) (Click here to read the rest…)

  Tags: beef, pork, All // 6 Comments »

Ok I have to admit I have been a horrendous slacker lately in the cooking department.  It is springtime here and I have been spending nights outside working and by the time I am done it is 8ish and I have zero desire to cook. 

Friday I was staring at the freezers trying to figure out what I needed to buy on Saturday when I went to the meat market.  Then I noticed that still have way to many beef ribs and I really should start thinning them out.  Ok how can something that is a great winter comfort dish turn springy?  Ohhh….just add fire and wood (yeah my neighbors from time to time do hate me especially when the smoker gets fired up at midnight).

Sunday I was home all day so after waking up and getting some coffee I fired up the smoker and let the ribs smoke for 6 hours.  For the record you can get a lot accomplished in 6 hours such as thin out a garden, put up a fence around said garden, find a place for a couple more vegetables that you want to plant, mow, cuss at said mower that decided it wanted to die halfway through the backyard, edge the mulch beds, and most importantly stare at the ceiling.

If you have a favorite dry rub that you like to use feel free to use that and if not fear not here is a simple easy one that works great with beef and adds some great heat along with flavor. 

• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 1 tb garlic powder
• 1 tb onion powder
• 1 tb salt
• 1 tb black pepper
• 1 tb whole chili (I used 1/2 ancho and 1/2 new mexico chili powder)
• 2 teaspoon cumin
• 2 teaspoon coriander
• 2 teaspoon oregano
• 1/4 teaspoon allspice
• 1/4 teaspoon thyme
• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne (if you like it spicy jump this up) (Click here to read the rest…)

  Tags: beef, BBQ, All // 9 Comments »

Sea bass is one of my favorite fishes to order in a restaurant and I was ecstatic when I saw the fish place (yeah I like to use technical terms) started carrying it.  Then I got it home and then the famous oh crap what now question popped into my head.  Time to put the Homer Simpson thinking cap on:

“Alright brain, you don’t like me and I don’t like you. But let’s just get through this and then I can get back to killing you with beer”

Hmmm…what do I have well I have a massive jar of capers, butter (duh), green stuff, and hey leftover lemons reserved for ice tea but hey lemons are cheap.  Wait is that a 1/2 cup of white wine in the fridge….freaking sweet time to go.  Garlic had to go into the dish because I fear Dracula. 

The sauce was simple and delicious that did not overpower the sea bass which also happens to be my number one restaurant gripe.

For this recipe you will need:

• 2 sea bass filets (or any other good whitefish)
• 1 shallot finely diced
• 2 cloves of garlic finely diced
• 1/2 cup of white wine
• Zest of 1/2 lemon
• Juice of 1 lemon
• 2 TB of capers
• 2 TB of parsley
• 5 TB of unsalted butter
• High temperature oil (I used canola)
• Extra virgin olive oil
• Kosher salt and black pepper (Click here to read the rest…)

  Tags: fish, All // 6 Comments »

I love BBQ to me there is nothing peaceful than staring at a smoker chugging away undisturbed while magical and beautiful things happen under the hood.  The entire neighborhood is full of the magical aroma of flavorful wood burning away.

This recipe was one I used a couple years ago in BBQ competitions and actually is still very highly requested when people find out the smoker is getting fired up. 

The first thing you want to do is create the brine (say “the brine” in your best superfans impersonation guaranteed to bring a smile to your face) for the chicken thighs. 

To you those who like the scientific explanation here is what Wikipedia has to say about brining: 

“Brining makes cooked meat moister by hydrating the cells of its muscle tissue before cooking, via the process of osmosis, and by allowing the cells to hold on to the water while they are cooked, via the process of denaturation. The brine surrounding the cells has a higher concentration of salt than the fluid within the cells, but the cell fluid has a higher concentration of other solutes. This leads salt ions to enter the cell via diffusion. The increased salinity of the cell fluid causes the cell to absorb water from the brine via osmosis. The salt introduced into the cell also denatures its proteins. The proteins coagulate, forming a matrix which traps water molecules and holds them during cooking. This prevents the meat from drying out, or dehydrating.”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brining

To those who like the dumb down explanation here is the Jeff reason:

“Brining is basically water with a lot of salt that makes meat very moist and tender.”  I also always like to follow this with a Beavis laugh and the word fire in my best Butt-Head impersonation. 

At a basic level we could just submerge the chicken thighs in a combination of salt and water but really what is the fun in that?  Since the chicken thighs will be sitting in the brine for a good 8-24 hours this would be a great chance to add a lot of amazing flavors and help flavor the meat.

For the brine you will need:

• 2 cups vegetable stock
• 2 cups orange juice
• 4 cups water
• 1/4 cup kosher salt
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 2 teaspoon black peppercorns
• 3 bay leaves (Click here to read the rest…)

  Tags: BBQ, chicken, All // 6 Comments »

I have to admit I have been a big slacker in the kitchen department the last week.  Work was actually requiring me to work and the weather in Indiana finally decided to break so last week has been spent outdoors doing fun stuff like prepping the garden, mowing, raking leaves (yeah I know that is a fall project but I am lazy), and other fun outdoor summer projects (anyone want to come paint my house?).

A month ago I made a trip to the Asian market and grabbed a couple varieties of miso paste (has anyone actually looked into how to make miso because normally I will make anything at least once but I don’t have the patience for years of work).  So hopefully someone out there in the food blogging world has some great tips of how to incorporate it into more dishes or even a good traditional miso soup recipe.

For this recipe you will need:

• 4 pork chops
• 1 shallot medium dice
• 2 cloves of garlic sliced
• 1 cup of orange juice
• 3 TB of miso paste (I am using a red miso)
• 2 TB of rice wine vinegar
• 1 TB of sriracha (if you don’t like it as spicy add less or omit this ingredient)
• Pinch of cumin
• Pinch of kosher salt and pepper (Click here to read the rest…)

  Tags: pork, All // 8 Comments »